Insy Winsy Spider
Sorry people! Its been so long since I wrote! But been busy. Running around...a lot actually. Lots of things to do, and no time to sit and do what I need to do the most. Blow out my frustration by speaking of (I mean writing about ) insane things. Things that are actually not a part of my daily life, but which exist. And its not the fact that they exist, but the fact that they pop up unexpectedly that bugs me most. Lets take an example. All of us have phobias. I have my share too. I don't like heights ( I love airplanes, and would have a great time if I were a pilot, but I cannot climb steep mountains.) I dont like dirty feet. I dont like dirt anywhere on the person - mine, or even otherwise (I do enjoy mud fights, but I'm talking of ordinary circumstances here). But I think that the one phobia that I have and which pervades my daily life is my phobia of spiders. I just cannot stand them! Forget about all else, I mean, all other questions that have been in my mind as I grew up. The one simple question that has been bugging me and which God Almighty resolutely refuses to answer is the most simple of all. Why did He create them? This is the same question that I would want to ask him about a lot of things/creatures/humans...like, why the heck did You create George Bush? Why Sweetie? Did You think that Sisyphus was so lonely that you just HAD to make the same mistake all over again - give power to the undeserving? Dear Lord! I'd have given you a few other better options... I wouldn't even have minded if you would've created a new race of mosquitoes instead of one GB! But well, when was the last time you heard me out...!
Hmmm...so getting back to the point. Why did He take time out and create this...this...thing? I've been asking myself that question for the better half of more than a decade now, and the answer never showed up. Nope. Not even a single wisp of it. I wished I knew, because I hated to swat them down with a swish of my long stemmed broom, but then those were orders from Mum, and because of my innate fear, I didn't even question it (I usually question everything and everyone. A very difficult child, I've been told). Mosquitoes, well, swatting them was a sport, they're evil, just like them cockroaches. Evil, period. But spiders, now I always felt bad about that. I've always blamed the National Geographic for this phobia that has ruled my life so far. I watched a documentary on the Black Widow Spider (it included vile information about the Preying Mantis too…) when I was a kid. And that was it. Those hairy legs, that spiked head, those huge eyes…my head was a 3 D movie projector by itself, and life was a nightmare. Home Alone (the movie) did nothing to help either. Buzz (Kevin’s huge obnoxious cousin) has this Tarantula. Very icky. Very scary too, if you let your imagination build on it. I did.
And then yesterday, as I sat in the loo trying to figure out the mysteries of the world and contemplate the future of the world that lay in my own two hands while reading a copy of Cosmopolitan I realised that there was something dangling just above my nose. Yes. I know. Disgusting. I thought so too…because it was a spider, and because there wasn’t much that I could do about it…I could very well imagine my flatmates taking a chance and bursting into the loo if I screamed out loud. Gawd! I was stuck! This was even worse than the time when a garden spider decided to pay me a visit just as I was washing my face – suddenly I had soap in my eyes and then, well, to say the least, the bloody spider had a ball, or that time when a swarm of ants decided to come pay respects to my grandmum at the wrong time, at a wrong place – the ledge of her window, while I was hanging off it, trying to clean birdshit. Anyway, so, I was caught. But suddenly I felt mature (yeah, I do know that the loo is the last place to feel enlightened and mature, but well, it happened, and I wasn’t going to stop it, was I!?). So, suddenly, I felt like umm, well, I needn’t be afraid after all. I picked up the thread from which it was dangling and looked at it (I don’t know if I was looking the right way…maybe it was its ass. But anyway, I looked at it) and suddenly realized that it was dainty. I mean, that thing, the spider, was dainty! DAINTY! I couldn’t believe that I had actually felt that! I mean, this was something that I was mortally afraid of! But no. I found it pretty. Maybe it was the ambience of the place that we were caught in, but whatever it was, well, it helped me see the beauty of this creation, the one creation that I was ready to equate to none other than that idiot GB! How could I do this!? This one was nowhere near that…that…thing!
And so there, on that day, sitting on my throne I decided to knight it. So, with the power vested in me by eighteen years of education, I have now knighted the house spider with my love and taken it as a pet. Its now made a home in the corner of my loo and is now living out its ‘happily ever after’ ending with the most unlikely partner…me!
Hmmm...so getting back to the point. Why did He take time out and create this...this...thing? I've been asking myself that question for the better half of more than a decade now, and the answer never showed up. Nope. Not even a single wisp of it. I wished I knew, because I hated to swat them down with a swish of my long stemmed broom, but then those were orders from Mum, and because of my innate fear, I didn't even question it (I usually question everything and everyone. A very difficult child, I've been told). Mosquitoes, well, swatting them was a sport, they're evil, just like them cockroaches. Evil, period. But spiders, now I always felt bad about that. I've always blamed the National Geographic for this phobia that has ruled my life so far. I watched a documentary on the Black Widow Spider (it included vile information about the Preying Mantis too…) when I was a kid. And that was it. Those hairy legs, that spiked head, those huge eyes…my head was a 3 D movie projector by itself, and life was a nightmare. Home Alone (the movie) did nothing to help either. Buzz (Kevin’s huge obnoxious cousin) has this Tarantula. Very icky. Very scary too, if you let your imagination build on it. I did.
And then yesterday, as I sat in the loo trying to figure out the mysteries of the world and contemplate the future of the world that lay in my own two hands while reading a copy of Cosmopolitan I realised that there was something dangling just above my nose. Yes. I know. Disgusting. I thought so too…because it was a spider, and because there wasn’t much that I could do about it…I could very well imagine my flatmates taking a chance and bursting into the loo if I screamed out loud. Gawd! I was stuck! This was even worse than the time when a garden spider decided to pay me a visit just as I was washing my face – suddenly I had soap in my eyes and then, well, to say the least, the bloody spider had a ball, or that time when a swarm of ants decided to come pay respects to my grandmum at the wrong time, at a wrong place – the ledge of her window, while I was hanging off it, trying to clean birdshit. Anyway, so, I was caught. But suddenly I felt mature (yeah, I do know that the loo is the last place to feel enlightened and mature, but well, it happened, and I wasn’t going to stop it, was I!?). So, suddenly, I felt like umm, well, I needn’t be afraid after all. I picked up the thread from which it was dangling and looked at it (I don’t know if I was looking the right way…maybe it was its ass. But anyway, I looked at it) and suddenly realized that it was dainty. I mean, that thing, the spider, was dainty! DAINTY! I couldn’t believe that I had actually felt that! I mean, this was something that I was mortally afraid of! But no. I found it pretty. Maybe it was the ambience of the place that we were caught in, but whatever it was, well, it helped me see the beauty of this creation, the one creation that I was ready to equate to none other than that idiot GB! How could I do this!? This one was nowhere near that…that…thing!
And so there, on that day, sitting on my throne I decided to knight it. So, with the power vested in me by eighteen years of education, I have now knighted the house spider with my love and taken it as a pet. Its now made a home in the corner of my loo and is now living out its ‘happily ever after’ ending with the most unlikely partner…me!
posted by Crabby at Saturday, November 05, 2005
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